Saturday night marked a huge milestone in my author career: I read at Litcrawl! Last year the events were so crowded I couldn’t even make it into the audience, let alone imagine being a reader. I was really discouraged. All those venues, all those authors. Would I ever be one of them?
Shortly after this, I saw an announcement in Bernalwood, my neighborhood blog, that the Alabama Street Writer’s Group was looking for new members. Not only that, they met only two blocks from my house. It was too perfect. I’d been wanting to join a writer’s group. I tried the San Francisco Writer’s Workshop, but so many people attended that not all could read, and there wasn’t time to think or give any kind of cogent feedback.
I sent in a story and was invited to join. I’ve been going every week for almost a year now and the experience has been great. I’ve gotten so much helpful advice from the other members. I am learning to really listen, with a completely open mind, because I trust that the people around me love reading and writing and truly want to help me polish my stories. I’ve heard stories about mean writer’s groups with rude and cruel people and thank god no one in this group is like that.
I really enjoy the diversity of writing. We’ve got fiction, memoir, horror, sci fi, YA. The challenge is to not think, I can’t critique this, this isn’t my genre, I don’t know anything about ____. We have to set aside our theoretical ideas of what we do and don’t like and dive right into every piece and help the author realize his or her vision. Plus, every time I analyze someone else’s story it helps me see the weaknesses in my own.
That we would get to read at Litcrawl was an amazing bonus…and as the day approached, a source of some anxiety as well. I’m not much of a public speaker. I’d read in front of people exactly once. I’m not a huge fan of my own voice. I did my best to get over this by reading my story (See You Later – it is the one published in the Scottish science fiction magazine) VERY LOUDLY when no one was home. MANY TIMES. This was good.
Oddly, all my nearest and dearest friends and family were out of town or busy the night of Litcrawl. I was pretty annoyed at first. I mean, seriously?
A few deep breaths later I realized I was lucky. Zero people I knew meant zero pressure. I intend to keep at this for years and years and hopefully do many readings. Everyone can’t come to everything and I’ll be a lot better at this when I’ve gotten more practice.
City Art Gallery was a great venue. Good lighting. Super nice staff.
I was second to last to read. I thought I’d get more and more nervous but I was okay. Nervous but not paralyzed. We had a good-sized crowd but no one I knew, so what the hey! Instead of being worried my face would be super red and I’d stumble over words, I worried that people would be bored–which is a huge step in the right direction.
I have no interest in being a performer, however, I do want my stories to be heard, which in some cases will entail me reading them. I’ve got to allow the audience to concentrate on it and not me. I can’t be nervous or that will make the listeners uncomfortable.
I don’t know if I did it well but I did it! And next time I’ll do it better…and maybe some of my friends will show up.